Be the Bridge
Sometimes something feels easy when we do it as part of a job, but much harder when we do it for ourselves. At work, we may have no problem calling someone, sending an email, starting a conversation, or presenting an idea. We are representing a company or completing a task. But when we begin building something of our own, the same actions can suddenly feel personal.
The phone feels heavier. We hesitate before sending the message. We begin wondering what the other person will think, how they will respond, and what their answer might say about us. A simple no can begin to feel like personal rejection. But perhaps there is another way to see it.
Imagine a Backpack
Imagine placing everything you have to offer inside a backpack. It could be a product, a service, an opportunity, an idea, knowledge, experience, or something else that can create genuine value for another person. You put the backpack on and carry it with you.
When you contact someone, you are not asking them to approve of you. You are simply giving them the opportunity to look at what you carry. You are the messenger. You are also the bridge between the person and what is inside your backpack.
Your responsibility is to build that bridge and make the offer honestly. Their responsibility is to choose.
A No Is Not Always About You
Think about how people choose grocery stores. Some people regularly shop at one store and would never choose another. Someone else may make the opposite choice. That does not mean either store has no value. People make different choices based on their preferences, needs, experiences, priorities, and current circumstances.
It will be the same with what you carry. Some people will say yes. Some people will say no. Some people may say not now.
Some will, some won’t—so what?
Their answer does not automatically define the value of what you offer. More importantly, it does not define your value as a person.
There is a saying I have learned through the business I do:
“We are looking for the people who are looking for us.”
That does not mean sitting still and waiting for those people to appear. We still need to reach out. We still need to start conversations and build bridges. But we do not need everyone to choose what we carry.
Know the Value of What You Carry
This way of thinking also comes with responsibility. Your backpack should contain something you genuinely believe can create real value for the people you approach.
If you know that what you offer cannot help them, then confidence is not what you are building. You are simply creating false expectations.
Before becoming proud of what you carry, make sure it is worthy of that pride. Understand what you offer, why it matters, and how it may help someone.
When you are secure in that knowledge, reaching out can begin to feel different. You are not trying to mislead anyone or force them into a decision. You are offering them the opportunity to look at something you honestly believe may have value. They are still free to choose.
Putting on the Backpack
The backpack is not only an image. It can become a mental tool. Before making a call, sending a message, or starting a conversation, pause for a moment. Imagine putting on the backpack. Remind yourself that you are carrying something you believe in. Then remind yourself of your role:
You are not responsible for making the other person say yes. You are not responsible for their timing, priorities, previous experiences, or personal preferences. You are responsible for taking the step, building the bridge, and giving them the opportunity to look.
This can help create some distance between your identity and their answer. A no may still feel disappointing. But it does not need to become a judgment about who you are.
Self-Leadership Through Action
Some people find it easy to approach others without overthinking. For others, it requires courage. Neither person should be judged. We all carry different experiences, fears, strengths, and beliefs about ourselves.
Self-leadership is not always about feeling confident before we act. Sometimes it means learning to guide ourselves through uncertainty and act even when confidence is not yet there.
The more often you take the step, the more natural it can become. You begin learning that you can handle a no. You begin separating other people’s choices from your own value. You begin building confidence through action.
The next time you feel uncertain about contacting someone, picture the backpack. Remember what you carry. Remember why you believe it has value. Put the backpack on, build the bridge, and take the next step.
Your responsibility is to offer. Their responsibility is to choose.
Related reading: Our fear of rejection is often connected to our need to feel accepted and understood. Read The Need for Acceptance.
Do your emotions sometimes influence whether you take action or hold yourself back? Explore the Emotional Style Test.
Want to understand how you lead yourself when something feels uncomfortable or uncertain? Explore the Leadership Style Test.
