Leadership

Be the Bridge

Sometimes something feels easy when we do it as part of a job, but much harder when we do it for ourselves. At work, we may have no problem calling someone, sending an email, starting a conversation, or presenting an idea. We are representing a company or completing a task. But when we begin building something of our own, the same actions can suddenly feel personal.

The phone feels heavier. We hesitate before sending the message. We begin wondering what the other person will think, how they will respond, and what their answer might say about us. A simple no can begin to feel like personal rejection. But perhaps there is another way to see it.

Imagine a Backpack

Imagine placing everything you have to offer inside a backpack. It could be a product, a service, an opportunity, an idea, knowledge, experience, or something else that can create genuine value for another person. You put the backpack on and carry it with you.

When you contact someone, you are not asking them to approve of you. You are simply giving them the opportunity to look at what you carry. You are the messenger. You are also the bridge between the person and what is inside your backpack.

Your responsibility is to build that bridge and make the offer honestly. Their responsibility is to choose.

A No Is Not Always About You

Think about how people choose grocery stores. Some people regularly shop at one store and would never choose another. Someone else may make the opposite choice. That does not mean either store has no value. People make different choices based on their preferences, needs, experiences, priorities, and current circumstances.

It will be the same with what you carry. Some people will say yes. Some people will say no. Some people may say not now.

Some will, some won’t—so what?

Their answer does not automatically define the value of what you offer. More importantly, it does not define your value as a person.

There is a saying I have learned through the business I do:

“We are looking for the people who are looking for us.”

That does not mean sitting still and waiting for those people to appear. We still need to reach out. We still need to start conversations and build bridges. But we do not need everyone to choose what we carry.

Know the Value of What You Carry

This way of thinking also comes with responsibility. Your backpack should contain something you genuinely believe can create real value for the people you approach.

If you know that what you offer cannot help them, then confidence is not what you are building. You are simply creating false expectations.

Before becoming proud of what you carry, make sure it is worthy of that pride. Understand what you offer, why it matters, and how it may help someone.

When you are secure in that knowledge, reaching out can begin to feel different. You are not trying to mislead anyone or force them into a decision. You are offering them the opportunity to look at something you honestly believe may have value. They are still free to choose.

Putting on the Backpack

The backpack is not only an image. It can become a mental tool. Before making a call, sending a message, or starting a conversation, pause for a moment. Imagine putting on the backpack. Remind yourself that you are carrying something you believe in. Then remind yourself of your role:

You are not responsible for making the other person say yes. You are not responsible for their timing, priorities, previous experiences, or personal preferences. You are responsible for taking the step, building the bridge, and giving them the opportunity to look.

This can help create some distance between your identity and their answer. A no may still feel disappointing. But it does not need to become a judgment about who you are.

Self-Leadership Through Action

Some people find it easy to approach others without overthinking. For others, it requires courage. Neither person should be judged. We all carry different experiences, fears, strengths, and beliefs about ourselves.

Self-leadership is not always about feeling confident before we act. Sometimes it means learning to guide ourselves through uncertainty and act even when confidence is not yet there.

The more often you take the step, the more natural it can become. You begin learning that you can handle a no. You begin separating other people’s choices from your own value. You begin building confidence through action.

The next time you feel uncertain about contacting someone, picture the backpack. Remember what you carry. Remember why you believe it has value. Put the backpack on, build the bridge, and take the next step.

Your responsibility is to offer. Their responsibility is to choose.

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Related reading: Our fear of rejection is often connected to our need to feel accepted and understood. Read The Need for Acceptance.

Do your emotions sometimes influence whether you take action or hold yourself back? Explore the Emotional Style Test.

Want to understand how you lead yourself when something feels uncomfortable or uncertain? Explore the Leadership Style Test.

Are You Reading Books—or Just Owning Them?

A book can be many things.

It can be something beautiful to keep on a shelf. It can be something you collect, organize, and feel proud to own. Maybe you have 200 books, 300 books, or even more, standing neatly in your library with barely a mark on them.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Some books are special. Some are signed. Some have personal meaning. Some are worth keeping clean and untouched.

But when we talk about books on personal development, leadership, communication, habits, or growth, I think we need to ask a different question.

Why did we buy the book in the first place?

Was it to make the bookshelf look better, or was it because we wanted to learn something, change something, understand something, or become better in some area of life?

In my opinion, a book is not just something to own. A book is a tool.

Someone may have spent years, sometimes decades, building the knowledge, experience, stories, lessons, failures, and insights that ended up inside those pages. In some cases, a book may represent a large part of a person’s life work, compressed into 200 or 300 pages.

When you open that book, you are not just reading words. You are getting access to someone’s experience. You are getting access to ideas that may have taken them years to understand. And you can receive those ideas in a matter of hours.

That is powerful, but only if we use the book.

I know many people are careful with their books. They do not want to write in them. They do not want to fold a page. They do not want to underline anything. Maybe they were taught growing up to be careful with books, and of course, there is value in taking care of things.

But if the book is a tool for your growth, then I believe you should not be afraid to use it.

Write in it. Underline important sentences. Fold a page if you need to. Put notes in the margin. Mark the parts that challenge you, inspire you, or make you stop and think.

Be a little wild with it.

Because the purpose of the book is not only to stay in perfect condition. The purpose of the book is to help you grow.

Of course, there are exceptions. I have books that I do not write in. I have signed books from authors that are special to me, and I leave those untouched. But when I want to really study a book, I often have another copy that I use as a working tool.

That is the difference for me. Some books are keepsakes. Other books are tools. And when a book is a tool, I want to use it fully.

Today, I often use several versions of the same book. I may have the physical book. I may have the Kindle version. And sometimes I also listen to the audiobook.

For example, Atomic Habits contains so many useful ideas that reading it once is not enough for me. I can read the book in 10 or 12 hours, but that does not mean I have absorbed everything James Clear has put into it.

There is a big difference between finishing a book and truly learning from it.

That is why I like using highlights, notes, and repetition. With Kindle, I can mark important sections, export my highlights, and then sit down later to study them more carefully. With an audiobook, I can listen while walking, driving, or preparing breakfast. With a physical book, I can mark the pages and write my own thoughts directly beside the author’s ideas.

Each format gives me a different way to connect with the material. And that leads to another important point: a book is not only a reading tool. It can also be a reflection tool.

When I read a good personal development or leadership book, I do not just want to ask, “What did the author say?” I also want to ask: How does this apply to my life? Where am I already doing this? Where am I not doing this? What should I change? What is one thing I can start applying today?

That is where the real value begins.

Because reading a book does not automatically change your life. Studying it might. Applying it might. Returning to it might. Teaching it to someone else might.

Another powerful way to use a book is to study it together with other people.

This can be done in a mastermind group, a study group, a team, or even with just one friend. Some time ago, a friend and I did exactly that. We chose a book, read one chapter each week, and then met for a one-hour video call to discuss it.

The purpose was not just to talk about the chapter. The purpose was to ask what the ideas meant, how they applied to our lives, and how we could use them practically in everyday life and in business.

That kind of discussion can make a book much more valuable. You hear another person’s perspective. You explain your own thoughts. You are forced to think more deeply about what you have read. And sometimes, that is when the book really starts to become useful.

If you are building an organization, leading people, developing yourself, or helping someone else grow, books can become practical tools. A book like The Magic of Thinking Big, a John Maxwell book, or another leadership book can be something you read for yourself, but it can also be something you recommend or lend to someone who is just beginning their own journey.

But if you are going to recommend a book, it helps to have studied it yourself. Not just read it once. Studied it.

Because then you know why it matters. You know what parts are useful. You know what questions it raises. You know how it can help someone think differently.

That is why I think the question “What is a book?” is more important than it first sounds.

For some people, a book is decoration. For some people, it is entertainment. For some people, it is a collector’s item. For some people, it is a tool.

None of those answers are automatically wrong. But I think we need to be honest with ourselves.

When it comes to books about growth, leadership, habits, communication, or success, why are we buying them? Are we mainly buying them to own them, or are we buying them to use them?

Because if the goal is growth, then the book needs to become more than something that sits on a shelf. It needs to become part of the process.

Maybe that means writing in it. Maybe it means highlighting. Maybe it means listening to it more than once. Maybe it means exporting your notes and studying them. Maybe it means discussing it with someone else. Maybe it means taking one idea and applying it for the next week.

The point is not that everyone has to use books the same way.

The point is to consider whether every book needs to be treated as something fragile, especially when the real value is not in keeping the pages perfect.

The real value is in what the book helps you understand, change, and apply.

So maybe the next time you pick up a book, especially a book about personal growth or leadership, ask yourself: What is this book for?

Is it something I want to keep perfect?

Or is it something I want to use?

For me, many of my books are tools.

And a tool is meant to be used.

Want to understand what helps you turn insight into action and follow through on the growth you want? Learn more about the Goal Style Test.