What Lies Within

When You Lose Your Drive

There was a time in my life when I couldn’t wait to get out of bed in the morning.

I was excited about what I was building. I attended meetings, listened to several audio programs every day, read constantly, and invested countless hours in personal growth. More importantly, I loved helping other people pursue their goals and dreams. It didn’t feel like work. It felt meaningful.

Looking back, I realize how much energy and enthusiasm I had during that period of my life. Then something changed.

A series of experiences involving people I trusted deeply had a much greater impact on me than I realized at the time. To be clear, I take full responsibility for the decisions I made. The choices were mine. They always were. But the guidance, influence, and disappointment that followed left a mark that stayed with me for years.

What surprised me most wasn’t what happened. It was what happened afterward.

I lost my drive.

The passion that had fueled me for years seemed to disappear. Activities that had once inspired me suddenly created resistance. I didn’t want to listen to educational material. I didn’t want to attend meetings. Books that once excited me stayed closed on the shelf.

It wasn’t that I suddenly disliked personal development. It wasn’t that I hated the business environment. It wasn’t even that I had stopped believing in growth. The problem was that my mind had connected those experiences with pain.

For years, I tried to get that drive back. I read books about motivation. I studied goal setting. I learned about habits, mindset, success principles, and how the brain works. Sometimes I would find a new approach that seemed promising. It would work for a few months, and I would feel momentum building again.

Then it would fade. And I would find myself back at the starting line.

If you’ve ever experienced something similar, you know how frustrating that can be. Especially when you remember who you used to be. You know what you’re capable of. You know what it feels like to be driven. You know what it feels like to wake up excited about the future. Yet somehow, you can’t seem to get back there.

For a long time, I thought the answer was to find a bigger goal. Or a stronger purpose. Or more motivation. So I kept searching. I read more books. I listened to more advice. I tried different systems and approaches.

But eventually I began to question something.

What if I was asking the wrong question?

Instead of asking, “What is my purpose?” maybe I should have been asking, “Who do I want to become?” That shift changed everything.

Recently, while reflecting on this journey, I decided to revisit some of the books I had collected over the last twenty years. My bookshelves are filled with books on leadership, personal growth, success, motivation, communication, and psychology.

One of the books that stood out was Atomic Habits by James Clear. I had read it before. But this time, I looked at it differently.

What struck me wasn’t the discussion about habits. It was the focus on identity. The idea that lasting change doesn’t start with goals. It starts with the person you want to become.

That concept resonated with me far more than another goal-setting exercise ever could.

If someone wants financial freedom, perhaps the first question isn’t, “How do I become financially free?”

Maybe the better question is: “What kind of person creates financial freedom?”

How does that person think? How do they spend their time? What habits do they practice consistently? How do they respond when things don’t go according to plan?

The same can be asked about almost any goal in life. Before focusing on the outcome, perhaps we should focus on becoming the person capable of creating that outcome.

Will this approach work for everyone? Probably not. And that’s an important point.

We’re all different. We have different backgrounds, different personalities, different experiences, and different challenges. The tools that help one person move forward may not help another person at all. That’s okay.

The goal isn’t to find a solution that works for everyone. The goal is to find what works for you.

For me, this realization has been helpful because it shifted my attention away from constantly searching for motivation and toward building a stronger foundation. Instead of chasing a feeling, I’m trying to focus on becoming the kind of person I want to be.

The truth is that we all go through periods where we struggle. We lose confidence. We lose momentum. We question ourselves. We wonder if we’ll ever find our passion again.

But perhaps the answer isn’t always to look further ahead. Sometimes the answer is to look deeper. To ask different questions. To challenge old assumptions. And to remember that growth isn’t always about finding the perfect path.

Sometimes it’s simply about taking the next step and continuing to move forward.

If you’ve been struggling to find your drive, your purpose, or your motivation, I hope this reflection gives you something to think about. Not because it contains all the answers. But because it might help you ask a different question.

And sometimes, a different question is exactly where change begins.

Related reading: Losing your drive can bring doubt and uncertainty, but small daily actions can also help rebuild momentum. Read: Fear and Doubt Are Part of Growth and Are Your Habits Changing Your Life?

Want to understand what truly drives you and how to rebuild momentum when motivation fades? Learn more about the Goal Style Test.

The Blame Game

When something does not go our way, it is often easy to find someone or something else to blame.

It was because of my boss. My partner made it difficult. Everyone else does the same thing. I did not have the right opportunity. The circumstances were against me.

Sometimes those things may even be true. There are circumstances in life that we cannot control, and there are things that happen to us that are genuinely not our fault.

But there is a danger when blaming others becomes our normal response. Because the moment everything becomes someone else’s fault, we also remove responsibility from ourselves. And if we have no responsibility, we have no reason to take action.

That is where the blame game can begin to hold us back.

What Can You Actually Control?

I am not saying that everything that happens in our lives is our fault. It is not.

There are things we cannot control. Other people make decisions that affect us. Companies change. Relationships end. We may experience difficult circumstances, illness, loss, or things from our past that we never chose.

But even when we cannot control what happens, we often still have some control over what we do next. That distinction is important.

Instead of asking only, “Whose fault is this?” perhaps a more useful question is:

What can I do about it now?

That question brings responsibility back to us. And with responsibility comes the possibility of change.

The Everyday Blame Game

The blame game does not always appear in major life situations. Often it shows up in very ordinary things.

Imagine that I want to lose weight, but my partner regularly brings home chips, sweets, and other things I am trying not to eat.

I could say: “If my partner did not buy those things, I would not gain weight.”

And yes, perhaps it would be easier if my partner supported my goal and did not bring those things home. But my partner is still not the person putting the food in my mouth. That choice is mine.

Or perhaps I am unhappy with how much I earn.

“My employer will not pay me more.”

That may be completely true. Maybe the company cannot afford to pay more. Maybe they do not believe my current performance justifies a higher salary. Maybe there are other reasons.

But what can I do?

I can ask what I need to improve. I can develop new skills. I can become better at what I do. I can look for another position. I can find another way to increase my income.

I may not be able to control what my employer decides. But I can control what I decide to do next.

The same applies to something as simple as arriving late to work.

“But everyone else comes late.”

Maybe they do. But everyone else is not responsible for when I arrive. I am.

Responsibility Gives You Options

This is why I believe the blame game can be so damaging when we want to change our lives. Not physically damaging, perhaps, but damaging to our growth.

If I constantly believe that other people are responsible for where I am, then I also give those people control over whether my life can change.

I want more freedom, but someone else is stopping me. I want better health, but someone else makes it difficult. I want a better career, but my employer will not give me the opportunity. I want to fulfil my dreams, but my circumstances are wrong.

If everything depends on someone else changing first, I may wait for a very long time.

But when I begin asking what I can change, something happens. I get options again.

Not always easy options. Not always quick ones. But options.

What Are Your Mistakes Teaching You?

Blaming others can also prevent us from learning from our mistakes.

John C. Maxwell wrote a book called Failing Forward, built around the idea that failure and mistakes can become part of our growth when we learn from them.

I believe there is a lot of truth in that.

We are going to make mistakes. I have made many, and I will make more. But if every mistake immediately becomes somebody else’s fault, what am I supposed to learn from it?

If I say, “It happened because of them,” I can walk away without examining my own decisions.

If instead I ask, “What could I have done differently?” I may discover something that helps me the next time.

That does not mean taking responsibility for things that genuinely belonged to someone else. It means being willing to look honestly at the part that belonged to me.

Sometimes the Blame Goes Back Years

The blame game can also reach much further back. We can blame our childhood, our parents, previous relationships, lost opportunities, or things that happened many years ago.

This is something I can relate to personally.

I had a difficult childhood, and of course experiences from those years affected me. I cannot pretend they did not.

But at some point I had to ask myself another question:

Why should I allow what happened then to decide the rest of my life?

I cannot change what happened. I cannot go backwards and create another childhood. But I can decide what I want to do with my life from here.

The past may explain some of the way we think, react, or behave today. Understanding that can be important. But explanation does not have to become a life sentence.

At some point, if I want something different, I have to begin taking responsibility for building something different.

That is part of the inner journey.

Change What You Can Change

Sometimes we make change much more complicated than it needs to be.

I do not have enough money. What can I change?

I am unhappy with my health. What can I change?

I do not like where my career is going. What can I change?

I keep ending up in the same situation. What can I change?

Notice that I am asking what, not how. Many people get stuck at “How am I going to do this?” and immediately see everything they do not have or cannot do. First become clear about why you want the change and what you want to change. When your why and your what are clear, the how often becomes easier to see.

The answer may not be immediate, and the solution may require time, effort, learning, difficult conversations, or uncomfortable decisions.

But blaming someone else rarely moves us forward.

A fast-food restaurant is not responsible for the fact that I stopped there when I was hungry. The restaurant can be directly on my way home, with a huge sign in front of me, but I am still the one who turns the car into the parking lot.

That does not mean every choice is easy. It means it is still a choice.

Step Out of the Blame Game

Perhaps one of the most useful things we can do is become aware of how often we blame circumstances or other people.

Not so that we can start blaming ourselves instead. That is not the point.

The point is to recognise where our own responsibility begins.

When something goes wrong, we can ask:

What part of this could I control?
What could I have done differently?
What can I learn from it?
What can I do now?

There will always be things outside our control. But we do not need to give those things control over everything that happens next.

Taking responsibility does not change the past.

It changes what we are able to do with the future.

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Related reading: Growth often requires us to look at our own patterns before looking at everyone around us. Read Understand Yourself First.

Do you tend to act quickly, avoid decisions, or look outside yourself when choices become difficult? Explore the Decision Style Test.

How do you respond when things go wrong or emotions become difficult? Explore the Emotion Style Test.

Your Best Investment

We often talk about investments. Investing in stocks. Investing in funds. Investing in property. Investing in a business. Investing in something that may grow over time and hopefully create a better future.

All of that can be valuable. But I believe there is one investment that comes before many others.

The investment we make in ourselves.

Because no matter what we want to build, improve, change, or create, we bring ourselves into it. Our thinking. Our habits. Our knowledge. Our attitude. Our discipline. Our communication. Our ability to handle setbacks. Our ability to learn.

If those things do not grow, it becomes much harder for anything else to grow.

A person can invest money without understanding what they are doing. A person can start a business without developing the skills needed to run it. A person can begin a health journey without learning how to build habits that last. A person can set goals without understanding what kind of person they need to become in order to reach them.

That is why personal development matters.

For me, investing in myself has been one of the most valuable things I have done. I do not say that because I am finished, or because I have everything figured out. I am not where I want to be in every area of life.

But I can see clearly that the books I have read, the seminars I have attended, the education I have received, and the personal development I have worked with have shaped how I think, how I act, and how I look at the future.

It has not made me into someone else. Maybe that is the wrong way to look at growth.

I do not think personal development turns us into a completely different person. I think it helps bring out more of what is already inside us.

It is a little like a block of stone. At first, it may look rough, unclear, and unfinished. But as the work continues, something begins to appear. The shape becomes clearer. The unnecessary parts are removed. The sculpture was not created from nothing. It was revealed through the process.

I think growth can work in a similar way.

The more we learn, the more we discover about ourselves. The more we develop, the more we notice both our strengths and the areas where we still need to grow. And the more we understand, the more we also realize how much we still do not know.

That is not a weakness. That is part of the process.

Investing in ourselves does not always produce an immediate result that can be measured in money. Sometimes the result shows up in our thinking. Sometimes it shows up in our attitude. Sometimes it shows up in how we handle pressure, how we communicate, how we make decisions, or how we respond when life does not go the way we planned.

That kind of return may be difficult to calculate, but it can still be extremely valuable.

If we invest in our health, we may gain more energy, confidence, strength, and quality of life. If we invest in our mindset, we may begin to see possibilities where we previously saw only problems. If we invest in communication, we may improve our relationships, our leadership, and our ability to work with other people.

If we invest in financial education, we may make better decisions with money. If we invest in personal development, we may begin to understand ourselves on a deeper level and create a better direction for our future.

That is why I believe this kind of investment is so important.

It is not only about reading a book or attending a seminar. Those things can be powerful, but only if we use them. A book on a shelf does not change much. A course we never apply does not create much growth. A seminar may inspire us, but inspiration alone is not enough.

The real value comes when we take what we learn and begin to live it.

That is when information becomes transformation.

Before choosing where to invest time, money, or energy, I think it helps to ask a few honest questions.

What do I want to improve? What kind of person do I need to become? What knowledge am I missing? What habits are holding me back? What area of my life would change the most if I became better prepared?

Those questions matter because self-investment is not only one thing. It can look different depending on what we need.

For one person, investing in themselves may mean joining a health program, learning how to eat better, move more, and build routines that support a better lifestyle.

For another person, it may mean taking a course in investing, business, leadership, communication, or personal finance.

For someone else, it may mean reading books that challenge their thinking, finding a mentor, attending a seminar, or learning a skill that opens new possibilities.

It may also mean building something on the side while still doing what they do today. If someone wants more options in the future, they may need to invest in the knowledge, habits, and skills required to create those options.

In many cases, the future we want requires a version of ourselves we have not fully developed yet. That can be uncomfortable, but it can also be encouraging.

Because it means growth is possible.

We are not stuck only with what we know today. We can learn. We can improve. We can become more disciplined. We can become better communicators. We can become more aware. We can become stronger in the areas that matter to us.

But it usually does not happen by accident. It happens because we choose to invest in it.

I think one mistake many people make is that they look for better results before they look at who they are becoming. They want better finances, better health, better relationships, better confidence, better opportunities, or better leadership.

But many of those results are connected to personal growth.

If I want better health, I may need better habits. If I want better finances, I may need better financial understanding. If I want better relationships, I may need better communication. If I want better leadership, I may need better self-awareness. If I want better opportunities, I may need to become better prepared.

This is why investing in yourself is not selfish. It can actually make you more valuable to others.

When you grow, you often bring more value to your family, your work, your business, your team, and the people around you. You become better equipped to contribute, support, lead, communicate, and make decisions.

That is a return that can affect more than just yourself.

For me, books have played a big role in this. Not every book will change a life. Not every course will be useful. Not every seminar will create a breakthrough. But when the right idea meets the right moment, it can shift the way we see ourselves and our future.

Sometimes one idea can change how we think. Sometimes one habit can change the direction of a year. Sometimes one decision to grow can open doors that were not visible before.

That is why I keep coming back to this thought:

Before investing only in what is outside of us, maybe we should also ask how much we are investing in what is inside of us.

Our thinking. Our knowledge. Our discipline. Our health. Our communication. Our self-awareness. Our ability to grow.

Because everything we build is affected by the person we are becoming.

And if we want a better future, one of the most practical places to start may be with ourselves.

Related reading: A good investment in yourself often starts with what you read and how you apply it. Read: Are You Reading Books—or Just Owning Them?

Want to better understand yourself and discover where your greatest opportunities for growth lie? Learn more about the Core Color Personality Test.